


Missing You

by ashallee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Returns, F/M, Light Angst, One Shot, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 05:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15430380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashallee/pseuds/ashallee
Summary: Bucky has been missing for two years; longer, since you haven’t seen him before he left for Bucharest. Is your mind playing tricks on you now?





	Missing You

I sat frozen in my seat as Steve told me the news.

_Bucky is gone._

“He’s safe. That’s all I can tell you.”

“But…” I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, afraid of the tears that would start pouring if I looked at Steve. I was too shocked to tell him that he didn’t need the baseball cap and sunglasses to hide his identity; his beard and long hair were disguise enough. I barely recognized him when he knocked on my door. “C-can I see him?”

Steve shook his head sadly. “I’ve taken a big risk in coming here to see you. I can’t tell you where he is, because it would put you in danger to know. If the wrong people got a hold of you…” He shrugged, but I didn’t need to hear the rest of it. My relationship with Bucky wasn’t as private as we’d hoped, and if any of the countless enemies he had came for him, they could use me as leverage. It was something Bucky had warned me about constantly.

“But he’s safe though, right?” I demanded, wringing my hands. “You made sure he was safe?”

“Yes, I promise.” Steve smiled a little at me. “You really care about him, huh?” I felt my throat tightening with emotion, so I nodded and he let out a groan when he next to me, reminding me of an elderly man. I never stopped being amazed at how old he seemed, even though we looked the same age. Even Bucky…

“Will he come back?” I asked him, my voice sounding far away, but I knew the answer. Steve’s silence was enough to break me, and I sobbed into my hands as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders. One thought overwhelmed me, and it replayed over and over in my head as if reminding me not to think otherwise, not to hold out for false hope.

_Bucky is gone._

* * *

 

King T’Challa had arranged to have me work at one of his new facilities. “As a personal favour to Sgt. Barnes,” he said. I had a feeling Steve had asked him to do it, but I hadn’t seen Steve since he showed up at my place almost two years ago. I also asked how the hell T’Challa even knew about Bucky, but the Wakandan king was always conveniently ‘called away’ whenever Bucky’s name was brought up. After a while, I got tired of asking and gave up entirely.

My new job was mostly office work, but it kept me under the radar enough to not be in constant fear for my safety in case some bad guys were on my tail. Nine to five, Monday to Friday…it was monotonous but busy. Busy was good. It kept my mind off of things.

I stood by my desk in my office on the fifteenth floor, flipping through one of the many files Shuri had dropped off last week. I sighed and set my glasses down on the desk, not able to concentrate.

I was thinking about Bucky again. I’d been thinking of him a lot for the past few weeks. I thought of him every day, of course, but it would usually be a fleeting thought before I pushed it away. But lately, I was thinking of him all the time, even dreaming of him. It was always his eyes that I thought of: deep and clear, like the purest, bluest water I’d ever seen. I tossed the file onto my desk, pinching the bridge of my nose and moving to look out the enormous window. The view was amazing from here; I could see the jagged skyline of the city, and every skyscraper rooftop…

I froze. 

On one of the nearer rooftops was a solid black shape. It stuck out against the shining grey of the buildings, motionless. Even from where I was, I could tell it was  _definitely_ a person. A tingle went up my spine as I whirled around and grabbed my glasses to see better, but the figure was gone by the time I turned back to the window. I stood silently, hoping to see it again but soon there was no more time to think about it as I was suddenly swarmed with calls about meetings and deadlines, but the feeling stuck with me for the rest of the day.

A  _very_ familiar feeling.

* * *

 

I wrapped my sweater around me as I stood on the little terrace of my apartment later that night. It was cold, colder than usual for April, but I took a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs until it started to sting a little. I couldn’t stop wondering what it was I saw today. For all I knew, it could be someone who was trying to kill me…only I didn’t feel afraid.

I rested my elbows on the railing and hung my head, exhaling slowly as I opened my eyes. That’s when I noticed something in the parking lot below. I couldn’t see very well from the seventh floor, but it looked like something glinting in the dim streetlight. It was long and shiny, and if I squinted hard enough, I could see it was attached to a dark figure.

The shiny thing looked like an  _arm_.

I froze, my heart hammering in my chest, but then I blinked, and it was gone. I waited, the hairs on my neck standing up and my skin crawling with goosebumps as one thought screamed in my mind.

_Bucky?_

But it was dark and there wasn’t anything there anymore. I stayed by the rail until I felt the cold seeping through my socks, but eventually I shook my head. My brain was going crazy, that was the only explanation. I was thinking of Bucky so much, I imagined it was actually him I saw down there. I turned back into my apartment and got into bed, my heart heavy that he was still gone. On a sudden impulse, I opened my bedside drawer and took out a frame, sighing wearily at the photo within it and remembering how perfect everything was at that moment. The sky was orange, the sun was setting, and Bucky and I had just been sitting quietly on my terrace until I decided I wanted a picture of the two of us. “In case anything happens,” I had joked.

Little did I know.

I traced the line of his jaw in the photo, my throat getting tight as I saw how his arm was around me and smiling like he’d forgotten everything except how happy they were. I sighed again and put the photo back on my nightstand, back in it’s old spot, and tried to hold onto the thought of his smile as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I shuffled under the covers, opening my eyes groggily and glancing at the clock quickly. 2 am. I had an odd feeling, like someone was watching me from the other end of my open apartment. I held my breath in fear; it wasn’t just a feeling. Someone  _was_ in my apartment, watching me sleep.

Slowly but immediately alert, I sat up, clutching the blanket to my chest as if it was a shield.

“Hello?”

No reply. I took another deep breath and waited, sitting as still as a statue until I heard shuffling on the other end of my apartment, near the kitchen. I gasped and grabbed the baseball bat I kept under my bed before jumping onto my feet.

“Come out, now, or I’ll bash your head in!”

A breathy chuckle was my only response. It made me furious, and I gripped the bat tighter, suddenly unafraid. “You think I’m kidding? It’s either this or I’ll call the police!” It moved, whatever it was, closer, and a spot of moonlight from the windows illuminated a sliver of metal. It flexed. It was too long to be anything but a sleeve of some sort.

Or an arm.

I paused. “ _Bucky?_ ” I whispered into the dark. A chuckle again, and then a voice.

“Hi, doll.”

I was still dreaming, I  _had_ to be. I blinked hard, squeezing my eyes shut, but when I opened them again, he was standing in front of me.

“No, no, no, no,  _no, no, no_. You’re not real.” I started hyperventilating as he reached out his metal hand and wrapped his fingers around the bat.

“How about you put that down before you do some real damage, huh?” He tugged it out of my hands and I let it fall to the ground.

I slowly lifted my hand and poked him. “You’re really here?” I poked him again, just to be sure, and I saw the beginnings of a grin starting on his lips.

“In the flesh,” he murmured cheekily. “And steel.”

I frowned and suddenly lifted both hands to his chest, shoving him, and he fell to the floor with a hard thud, looking up at me in surprise.

“How could you leave me like that? Do you know how  _worried_ I was about you?” I stood over him, venting out my frustrations in a rage that I held in since he disappeared. “Do you have any idea how many times I tried to track down Steve to find out what was happening with you? Even when Natasha came by to check on me, I begged her for  _any_ news she might have, but all I ever heard was ‘I don’t know’ before she vanished into thin air.  _Nobody knew anything!_ ”

Bucky spoke calmly as he held out his hand in defense. “Listen–”

“I didn’t know if you were  _dead_ or in the  _hospital_ , or if you…if you  _left_ me.” My voice turned hoarse and my anger unleashed a torrent of tears as I paced in front of him. “Day after day, night after night, wondering if I’d ever see you again…”

“I didn’t mean–”

“And now you suddenly show up here  _in the middle of the night_ , sneaking into my apartment and scaring me half to death?” Bucky stood carefully, and I pressed my hands on either side of my head and squeezed, as if would help me concentrate. “Okay, no. Just…give me a minute. My brain needs to process this.” I let out a huff as my eyes scanned over his features, taking him in. He looked the same, but his hair was longer, he seemed slightly thinner.

His arm was  _blue_?

“What the hell happened to you?” I asked softly. “Where have you  _been_?”

He smiled that smile I loved, with his eyes crinkling in the corners. He knew my anger wasn’t really directed at him, and he visibly relaxed. “It’s a long story,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

His eyes held a silent plea for me to just listen to him, not to turn him out. I stood for a long moment, looking at him, before sitting on the couch and shrugging, tucking my feet underneath me. “It’s a long night.”

He sat on the opposite side, telling me nearly everything he could. “Some of it is confidential,” he warned, and I didn’t push him to talk about it. He was in Wakanda, under the care of the king and his sister. “Remind me to introduce you one day,” he said with a smirk.

“I’ve met T’Challa already,” I informed him. “And Shuri.”

He herded goats. “With one arm.” He smiled again as my eyebrows shot up. I couldn’t picture him doing that. “It was a lot easier than you think.” He spoke about the people, the technology he saw; he sounded like he missed it. I’m sure I would too, if I had ever been there. But the wistful look in his eyes and the soft tones of his voice hurt me. He’d rather be there in Wakanda alone than here with me? After all this time apart?

_Did I really mean so little to him?_

I shivered at the thought, my cheeks burning with jealousy. Bucky, true to form, sensed something was off.

“What’s wrong?” He inched closer. “Are you cold?”

I nodded, but he squinted his eyes at me as he reached for the blanket, as if he didn’t believe me. I tensed as he draped it over my legs, but his hands lingered on my knees and he sighed.

“You don’t know…” he started, his voice cracking slightly. “I thought about you every day.  _Every day._ ” He moved closer. “I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it all if I didn’t think you were waiting for me. Each day that passed was just one day closer to you.”

I stared at him for a long time. I wanted to tell him I felt the same, that every day without him was like hell and how I missed him with all my heart. He took my hands in his, squeezing painfully, desperately. But it dawned on me at that moment that even though it  _was_ Bucky that sat in front of me, I was face to face with a stranger.

“I…I don’t know what to say right now,” I admitted. “First you were gone, and now you’re back out of the blue; I can’t wrap my head around it. And I’m afraid I don’t see you as  _my_ Bucky anymore. I didn’t mean it like that!” I assured him when a pained look appeared in his eyes. “It’s just that you’ve been gone for so long, and…I need to get know you again. You’ve  _changed_ , Bucky.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he breathed, and I saw his eyes filling. “You’re right; I’m broken. You don’t deserve this. I just…” He shuddered. “I’m sorry.”

I brought his hand to my cheek, brushing his knuckles against my skin. “You’re _not_ broken, Bucky. You just need time to heal. I can help you with that,” I assured him with a small smile. “But we have to start this over again, and take things slow. Is that okay?”

He took my other hand and kissed it. “Anything for you, doll.” He hesitated a moment before getting up to leave, but I didn’t let go of him. He turned to me, a question in his eyes, and I suddenly turned shy and blushed at the intensity in his stare. But I held his hand firmly, his fingers twining with mine and I felt the familiar strength in his grip that immediately comforted and amazed me.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t stay,” I whispered. At first I thought he didn’t hear me, but then he sat back down, took off his sweater and opened his arms, waiting. I dove into him, comfortable for the first time in months.

_This,_  I thought with a sigh with relief, _was still the same._

“I missed you,” I murmured against his chest.

“I missed you too.” I felt his lips against my hair, and I fell asleep with the beat of his heart next to mine.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to my tumblr page, but I figured I'd post something for you while you're waiting for me to add to my other story.


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